


Sunday

by artikgato



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, the souyo is there if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 02:36:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13801599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artikgato/pseuds/artikgato
Summary: "You can so clearly see the good in other people, but you really can’t see it in yourself, can you?”“Can’t see what’s not there,” Yosuke muttered, staring at the muddy grass beneath his feet now instead of looking over at Souji. He heard Souji let out a little sigh.“Do you think I’m that poor of a judge of character?” Souji asked.





	Sunday

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been depressed lately. This is a vent fic, and also me trying to give myself a pep talk in the most roundabout way possible. It was actually quite difficult for me to write, because I'm pretty bad at giving myself pep talks...

It was Sunday. Sunday afternoon, to be precise. For once there was no school, no pressing need to study for exams, and it wasn’t like Yosuke was in any clubs. He didn’t have a shift at work - but Teddie did, and so did both of his parents. He was alone in his house for the first time in what felt like months. There were no texts on his phone from his friends wanting to hang out. There were no plans to go into the TV world today. There was...nothing to do.

Sure, Yosuke had a stack of unplayed video games sitting beside his computer. He could play those. Yosuke had homework, of course, but why would he do that? He could clean his room, he supposed but...well. He just didn’t feel like doing anything. He hadn’t really felt like doing anything in a long time, but obligation had all but forced him to. After all, he couldn’t stay home from school, right? He couldn’t say no to a shift at work. If they needed to go into the TV world, how could he be the one person to say that he didn’t want to? If his friends wanted to hang out, how could he say no to them?

But today was...weird. He’d been complaining about how he never had any time to himself with everything that was going on. He’d been looking forward to having a day with no obligations for  _ weeks _ now, and it was only now that he was realizing that he had no idea what he was supposed to do with his time. And, more depressingly - what was he supposed to do with his  _ life _ ? It wasn’t like he’d be in high school forever, after all, and they would crack the case eventually, and everything would return to normal and...then what? Yosuke didn’t know. And that terrified him. 

All his life up until now, he felt like he’d kind of just had to let life happen to him. He went to school because his parents told him to. He moved to Inaba because his parents had moved him to Inaba. He worked at Junes because his father told him to. Falling into the TV world with Souji and Chie had been a complete accident. In fact, becoming friends with Souji had been a complete accident, too. Becoming friends with  _ everyone  _ else in the Investigation Team had been an accident, really. It was all because of Souji, now that he started to think about it. He’d been trying - and failing, miserably - to talk to Chie for months, and the most he’d gotten was her taking pity on him and lending him her ‘Trial of the Dragon’ and...that had only gotten him a kick in the nuts, after all. It was only after he’d managed to befriend Souji - or, more likely, Souji had decided for whatever reason that he was worth befriending - that Chie (and everybody else) had started treating him better.

Just about the only thing he’d decided on his own in a while had been the decision to try asking Saki-sempai out and that...well. She’d gotten thrown into the TV and died before he’d gotten the chance, but even then he’d still found out that she would have rejected him. That had been a hard pill to swallow. Months later, it was  _ still _ a hard pill to swallow. It still hurt, all of it, but he was trying to pretend like it didn’t, because it was seriously unmanly to still be upset about it, right?

And now, here he was, wasting his Sunday by laying on his bed and being miserable and not having any idea what to do. If he was being honest, Yosuke had never really had much hope for the future - I mean, why should he have? His grades were pretty terrible, and no amount of studying was going to fix that, no matter what Souji said. He wasn’t going to be getting into any college, let alone a good one, at this rate. If he didn’t go to college, there wasn’t any hope for him getting any kind of good job, but...well, maybe that was fine? It wasn’t like Yosuke had any idea what he wanted to do with his life. He wasn’t good at anything except putting his foot in his mouth, after all. He didn’t want some boring, normal career anyway - he couldn’t imagine himself becoming a salaryman. It wasn’t like he wanted to do something crazy or off-the-wall, but...well. What was the point of working so hard if he didn’t have anything to live for?

He’d used to think: maybe the answer isn’t a job or a career. Maybe what he needed wasn’t a career to aspire towards. Maybe he’d be fine with a normal, boring job as a salaryman if he met the right person and  _ they _ were his reason. But thoughts like that only made things worse. Thanks to his infamous status as the “Prince of Junes” in Inaba, it wasn’t like he could get any of the girls in the school to talk to him, let alone want to date him, and all of his friends were out. He’d learned the hard way that just because someone was nice to him that didn’t mean they liked him - or could even tolerate him, really. But that was probably for the best, because as much as Inaba was growing on him it wasn’t like he wanted to live there  _ forever _ , so dating some girl from Inaba wasn’t going to help, right? 

He’d go back to the city, hold down a job, and find a nice girl to settle down with. That was his plan, anyway, but it was pretty easy to see how easily that could fail. Where could he possibly work that would actually want to hire  _ him _ ? The best he could hope for would be a Junes in the city and he didn’t want to work for Junes forever. He didn’t want to be working there  _ now _ , but it wasn’t like he had anything  _ else _ to do with his time, after all.

And meet a nice girl? Yeah right. They’d have to somehow see past his subpar looks and awful personality first. Yosuke liked to put on the act of someone confident in their looks, but he dyed his hair for a reason, after all and...he’d be the first to admit that he was annoying, and clingy, and said the wrong thing almost 100% of the time. So if he miraculously found some girl that was still interested in him after all that, they’d also have to be physically attractive  _ to him _ , because he was just that shallow.

So, yeah. “No hope for the future” was kind of an understatement, really.

He’d typed out and deleted the same message to Souji several times today already - ‘U busy? feeling bad & need sum1 2 talk 2’. But he didn’t want to burden Souji with all of this...more than he had already, because he’d already confessed a good deal of this self-hatred to him already. He’d just be mostly repeating himself at this point, and he was sure Souji was sick of it and just didn’t want to hurt his feelings or something. He wasn’t entirely sure why Souji still put up with him, actually, and he didn’t ever have the guts to ask...and he certainly didn’t want to push his luck in that regard. Besides, Souji was probably busy. He had like a thousand jobs, and it seemed like everyone in Inaba wanted to hang out with him all the time, and there was also Nanako, and homework, and...well. He was definitely busy. No need to burden him with anything. And it wasn’t like he could talk to anybody else about this. At best they wouldn’t understand but would try to be sympathetic. At worst they’d make fun of him for it. 

He could take a walk, maybe? He’d gotten up and put on clothes as if he had somewhere to go, but instead he’d just laid back down on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a few hours. This clearly wasn’t doing him any good, and if he kept it up his thoughts were going to get really dark. Like, shit his Shadow would say levels of dark. Maybe he just needed some fresh air and exercise…

So he ended up walking alongside the Samegawa, hands shoved firmly in his pockets, trying hard not to let his thoughts wander. But they just kept going back to how much he resented the idea that he had to just keep letting life happen to him. He’d end up stuck in Inaba forever, single and working at Junes and having nothing to live for, he just knew it. Everyone else would have their own lives and careers and motivations and he’d just be stuck. He didn’t know what he could do to change anything and...trying to take any step in any direction kind of terrified him. What if he decided to do something and went for it, and it backfired on him like what happened with Saki? What if nothing ever worked? What if he just kept taking chance after chance after chance, putting himself on the line time after time, and nothing ever changed? It almost wasn’t worth the risk. If he was just going to end up stuck in Inaba anyway, what was the point in even trying? 

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear his name being called until he heard the word ‘Partner’ said with such concern that it immediately snapped him out of his spiralling thoughts.

“H-huh? Souji?” he asked, staring dumbly at his best friend, who was now standing in front of him. Souji looked worried, but gave an instant sigh of relief when he acknowledged him, the tense look on his face replaced with a small smile. 

“Is everything okay? I called your name at least four times,” Souji explained. Yosuke glanced over Souji’s shoulder and saw an abandoned bucket and fishing pole. That explained what he was doing out here, at least.

“Y-yeah, uh, sorry. I was just kind of lost in my thoughts, haha. I know it’s hard to believe but I do think, y’know,” he said, making his tone as light and noncommittal as possible. 

Souji immediately frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, reaching up to grip Yosuke’s shoulders, firmly.

“Nothing?” Yosuke asked, but inwardly he was wondering if Souji was psychic or something. He wasn’t the best actor or anything, but he thought for sure he was putting on a good performance.

“You don’t normally put yourself down like that unless something’s bothering you,” Souji replied, still frowning. Yosuke felt himself having to look away. “You can talk to me, you know.”

“You’re busy,” Yosuke replied. He wanted to reach up and push Souji’s hands off of his shoulders, but he didn’t. Not yet.

“I’m only fishing, Yosuke. I can do that any time,” Souji replied. Yosuke still couldn’t look at him. “Hey. Please let me help, okay? I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“Everything’s fine,” Yosuke lied, stubborn. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing. What makes you think that anything is wrong, anyway?”

“I’d like to think I know you well enough to be able to tell when something’s wrong,” Souji replied. “Please talk to me?”

“It’s just the same shit I’m always going on about,” Yosuke grumbled, crossing his arms over his stomach irritably. He hadn’t pushed Souji’s hands off of his shoulders yet, but he was strongly considering it. “I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it. I’m tired of thinking it.”

“If you’re still talking about it, that means it’s still bothering you,” Souji pointed out. Yosuke still couldn’t look at him, and they were both silent for a few tense moments before Souji gave a small sigh and dropped his hands back down to his sides. “I’m not going to force you to talk to me but...I wish you’d let me help.”

Yosuke swallowed and looked back up at Souji.

“What if I’m stuck here in Inaba forever and I never get a better job and I die single and alone without ever accomplishing anything ever in my life?”

He’d just kind of blurted all of that out without meaning to, harried and fast and in one breath, his voice and his body shaking. Souji blinked at him for a second, and then gave him a small, reassuring smile.

“That’s not going to happen,” he said. Yosuke took a deep breath and let it out as a long sigh.

“What makes you so sure?” he asked. 

“Because you’re so worried about it,” Souji explained. “It might take a long time, and it might be really difficult, but I know you won’t let yourself be stuck here forever.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Yosuke grumbled. “You’re gonna go back to the city and get into a nice college and date fifty girls and, like, I dunno, cure cancer or something.”

“I’m flattered that you think so highly of me,” Souji replied, with an amused chuckle. “And if you think that’s possible for me to do, it’s more than possible for you, too.”

“Yeah right,” Yosuke sighed. He turned away from Souji to stare out at the river, unwilling to look at him. “You’ve got the good grades and the good looks and the good personality to pull it off. All I’ve got is terrible grades and the ability to constantly make an ass of myself.” He paused. “Like I’m doing right now.”

“You’re not,” Souji assured him, turning so that he was standing beside Yosuke instead of facing him, also looking out at the river. “And you’re really selling yourself short, you know that? Grades aren’t everything and, besides, yours have really been improving lately! And, yeah, sometimes you can say some thoughtless things, but everyone does that, and I can tell you’ve been trying to fix that.”

“You’re really laying it on thick today, Partner,” Yosuke muttered. “I know you’re just saying that shit to try and cheer me up.”

“I’m not,” Souji said. He was silent until Yosuke finally looked over at him, showing him a serious face. “I’m really not. You can so clearly see the good in other people, but you really can’t see it in yourself, can you?”

“Can’t see what’s not there,” Yosuke muttered, staring at the muddy grass beneath his feet now instead of looking over at Souji. He heard Souji let out a little sigh.

“Do you think I’m that poor of a judge of character?” Souji asked, after a few more moments of silence. Yosuke blinked and looked up at him, startled.

“Huh?” he asked, and Souji was frowning at him.

“If there really wasn’t any good in you, do you honestly think we’d be friends?” he asked, and Yosuke was speechless. “This is a two-way street, you know. I wouldn’t let just anybody get as close to me as you have, Yosuke.”

“I-I wasn’t trying to-” Yosuke started to protest, but Souji cut him off.

“I know you weren’t,” he said, gently. “I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m just trying to tell you that if you really were as bad as you think you are, there’s no way I would still be your friend, right?”

“I guess,” Yosuke answered, with a noncommittal shrug. “Or you could just be saying all this because you don’t want to hurt my feelings. I get it, you need me around because of the case, and so you-”

“No!” Souji exclaimed, and Yosuke stopped, mid-sentence, and turned to look at him, surprised. Even when he was giving orders in the midst of battle, he rarely got that loud. Souji was facing him again, a pained expression on his face that was such a contrast to his usual stoic expression that it shocked Yosuke into further silence. Souji reached up and grabbed at his jacket, just above an elbow. “I would never do something like that, Yosuke. Please, if...if you can’t have any faith in yourself, at least try to have faith in me, okay? I’m your friend, and that’s not going to change.”

“Souji…” Yosuke said, eventually finding his voice.

“Up on the hill, you told me I was special to you, right? Well you’re special to me too,” Souji continued, not letting go of Yosuke’s jacket.

“...th-thanks,” Yosuke eventually stuttered, his voice almost inaudible over the sound of the river. 

“I can’t predict the future. I don’t know what I’m going to be doing, let alone what you might, but I know you aren’t going to be stuck here in Inaba forever. I know you - there’s no way you’ll settle for a life like that,” Souji continued. 

“Y-yeah,” Yosuke agreed, with a little nod. “But, but I...I don’t know what I want, Souji. I don’t even know where to start looking...all I know is that I just don’t want to be here forever, but I don’t really know where else I could go, y’know?” He paused here to take a deep breath. “I’ve heard all the stories about dumbass kids moving to the city with no training or education...they just end up working shit jobs their whole lives, or moving back out to the country where they came from. What if that happens to me?”

“I guess you’d have to just take the risk and find out...or get some training or education first,” Souji answered, and Yosuke shook his head.

“I don’t know what I’d even want to go to school for! I’m not good at anything, and I’m not interested in anything that would actually get me a career...and I don’t want to just pick something and then end up hating it, you know?” he answered. Souji nodded.

“It’s tough, I agree,” Souji replied. “But...sometimes, you just have to take a risk on something. And a lot of the time, those risks just don’t work out. I guess you just have to find the one that does.”

“But that’s…” Yosuke started, and Souji nodded, finally letting go of Yosuke’s jacket.

“Terrifying? Yeah,” he agreed. “Absolutely.” Yosuke went silent again for a long few moments, so Souji decided to speak up again. “And I wouldn’t worry too much about dying alone and single.”

“Oh?” Yosuke asked. Souji gave another one of his soft, barely-there smiles in response.

“For one thing, I don’t intend to let you die alone. We’re going to be friends until we’re both old and puttering around some retirement home somewhere, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Yosuke sputtered out a laugh in response, and Souji continued once he’d managed to contain himself. “And one day, there’s going to be someone out there that sees you how I do. I don’t know who she’ll be, but she’s going to be a very lucky girl to have you. You just have to wait for her.”

“How do you know for sure?” Yosuke asked, but he still had a pleased smile on his face.

“Well, nothing is certain,” Souji shrugged. “But there’s no way that I’m the only person that’s ever going to see how great you are.” Yosuke just gave a nervous laugh in response, reaching up to scratch at the back of his neck, but he still looked pleased. 

“...thanks, Partner,” he replied, after a moment. Souji nodded, and reached up to pat him gently on the shoulder.

“Any time, Yosuke,” he said. Yosuke started to say something else, but Souji beat him to it. “And I mean it, Yosuke.  _ Any _ time. Even if I’m busy or it’s 4am or I’m back in the city, we can still text.”

“Are you sure about that?” Yosuke asked, with a little smirk. “I’m going to send you stupid jokes in the middle of the night now, you know.”

“You do that anyway,” Souji pointed out, grinning. “And I treasure each and every one.” Yosuke rolled his eyes, reaching over to lightly punch him in the shoulder affectionately.


End file.
